"Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
I remember hearing this quote years ago when I was struggling to forgive someone who had hurt me and my family deeply.
In this struggle, I recounted all we had done for them, and I felt justified holding onto bitterness. At least for a little while. It felt like, if I offered forgiveness too soon, it would excuse all the hurtful things done and said.
Culture doesn't help us on this front. We live in a time when if someone offends us, we can simply delete them. If someone is difficult to love, we easily avoid them. We measure our relationships to make sure they are fair, and that people aren't taking advantage of us. When our relationship ledger is judged uneven, we declare we deserve better and move on.
And still, the bitterness remains. Even after we've deleted someone on social media or ignored them at work, we're still mad. We replay their numerous sins against us as justification for being passive aggressive or rude, and we secretly harbor their wrongdoings like a weapon, ready and willing to use if they ever try to take advantage of us again.
Yet Scripture is overwhelmingly clear about this. We're called to "let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" Ephesians 4:31-32
Showing grace and extending forgiveness is hard, and thankfully a topic that Jesus talked about a lot. One of my favorite, most convicting stories during this time was the parable of the unforgiving servant.
Though I'd read this story before, during this season, it fell on fresh ears, melting away my bitter heart and replacing it with worship. In it, Jesus reminds us that we extend forgiveness not because someone deserves it, but in response to the outstanding forgiveness we've received by God.
It all starts in Matthew 18 when Peter asks Jesus, "How often do I need to forgive my brother when he sins against me? As many as seven times?" Jesus responds saying, "Not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
Ouch. Because the man had been forgiven such an extravagant debt, it was expected that he forgive a man who owed him much less. The man's lack of mercy showed that he didn't really understand the lavish mercy of the king.
As I reflected on this story, I saw that I was like this man, with a debt against the King that I never could have paid. I was guilty before Him, unable to ransom myself or pay my debts. I deserved eternal damnation and punishment. I was guilty.
Yet according to his great mercy, God cancelled my debt through the sacrifice of his Son. My debt has been paid; I owe it no more. I have been set free!
Now, having been forgiven such an enormous debt, how could I not also forgive the person who offended me? My greatest debt has been paid -- how could I not forgive another? After all, no matter how much that person offended or hurt me, it pales in comparison to the offenses I have committed against God. My bitterness towards this person dissolved into worship of God when I remembered how much I'd first been forgiven.
As we look to the cross, we see the most extravagant display of unjust punishment, the perfect Christ dying for our sins. And so, when we forgive another person, we forgive because Christ forgave us, not because they deserve it. To offer forgiveness doesn't justify what someone did. It also doesn't mean that we act unwisely in the future, or that we have to trust the next promise of the person who has lied to us time and time again. Rather, it means that we extend mercy, not using their wrongs against them or harboring resentful thoughts.
As we see in Scripture, after being so lavishly forgiven, the only appropriate response for the Christian is to forgive those that sin against us. Unresolved anger towards someone always turns into bitterness, but extending forgiveness offers great freedom for our souls. '
Comments